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there oughta be a law...
2001-07-13 - 8:53 a.m.

There should be a law where:

- you can't talk on your cell phone at your table while eating at a fancy restaurant- no matter how rich or how important you think you are.

- women should not put on make-up while driving.

- no matter where you are, if you can't shut your wailing/crying/yelling kid up within one minute, the closest able-bodied person should be able to slap the hell out of YOU and your kid.

- bulldogs would be the only dogs that mattered.

- you should be able to (at the LEAST) speak the language of the country in which you are living, or in which you are visiting.

- mandatory annual vision and reflex testing for people over 70 who wish to keep their driver's license.

- no matter whether it's a pizza, a new mattress, or a big-screen TV, if it's not delivered in 30 minutes or less, it's free.

- mullets should be illegal.

- feathered hair too.

- ranch dressing is required to be given as a condiment with the following dishes, whether it is used or not:
*cheese sticks
*any kind of pizza with the exception of "hawaiian"
*french fries
*potato skins
*chicken sandwiches

- pizzas with pineapple on top (what the hell is with that shit anyways???) should not be referred to as "Hawaiian".

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