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A letter to Amy...
09.12.2001 - 1:21 AM

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Dearest Amy,

I know I could've written this to you in a private e-mail, but I want the whole world to know (or at least the people who stop by here) just how much you mean to me.� I know I could've also called you, but you know how flustered I get when I want to say something, and I believe I can express myself to the fullest through my writings.

Amidst all the chaos, destruction, sorrow, and tears that were shed today, YOU were the one that put a smile on my face and brought hope back into my thoughts.� With that one phone call, you made me shed a tear of happiness and joy to a face that was earlier shedding tears of sadness and hate.� I must admit to you, I was scared at the thought of this kind of terrorism actually hitting our shores, especially since one of those people that died in Pennsylvania is from right near here in San Ramon, and when I woke up this morning to the pictures of people jumping out of the tower from 80+ stories up, the thought of my own life being taken from me so randomly hit me real hard.

It gave me great comfort to know that someone actually does give a shit.� I still remember that YOU were the only one that tried to patch things up between me and Christina that one night.� I still remember taking that picture with you at the store because there were a couple of shots left on the digital camera, and getting soooo pissed the next day because someone erased the compact flash card.� I will never ever forget at Christina's birthday party the look on your face when you found out I had your keys and wouldn't let you go see Ramon because you were too fucked up to drive (admit it, you were...).� By the way, you still owe me a kiss from that night....�� =)�� And I remember how beautiful you looked when we all got dressed up to go out to dinner during our trip to L.A...� and how fucked up we all got when we went back to the hotel...

Larry and I talked the next day about that night--

Larry:� Fuck man, I must've been HELLA fucked up last night...
me:� Why? Are you not feeling too good right now?
I'm cool... but you know how I know I was too fucked up last night?
How?
'Cause Amy wanted to go swimming last night and I said no... and you said no too...
Yeah, and...???
C'mon Jay, think.... Amy? swimming?............ Amy in a bathing suit swimming???? damn... that was our chance to see her in a bathing suit...
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck........... damn, I must've been HELLA fucked up to pass that by...

LOL-- You know we both love you grrrrrl...

Anyways, you're right.� It's days like today that make you contemplate what is really important in your life; and before your call, I was ready to do some destruction of my own.� I want to thank you for actually taking the time to call me today and let me feel like I've made a difference in your life.� You know that I consider you the little sister I never had (little sister with a bod, no less...) and that I would do anything for you. � If you ever have a chance to look over my journal's past entries, you'll see that I've never stopped thinking about you and missing you.� It killed me when I found out that you weren't going to be working with me anymore.� It's funny, Francisca said to me and Kwasi last week, "We'll all still be friends in five years, right?" and I thought to myself, "I hope so..." but didn't say anything out loud.

Today I only talk to two people I knew five years ago.� I know with all of us (you, me, Francisca, Kwasi, Larry, Ben) it'll be different though.

In the meantime, put in a good word for me with Francisca, ya heard??

I miss you Amy.
I love you.

Jay

"If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger. You know in the end, I'll always be there. And when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger, take a look all around, and I'll be there..."
-- When In Rome "The Promise"

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