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a conscious decision
11.21.2001 - 3:42 AM

you know, its so tough being an only child sometimes. i get home from a shitty day at work, to a house where i have to take care of a handicapped mother and a disabled father. they start talking about their problems, and blame me for some of them, then I grub on some food, check my email, write an entry here, then go to bed.

and repeat the same thing all over again the next day.

no one to tell my troubles to, no one to play PS2 with, no one to watch a movie with. I have a dog, but he likes to play, and by playing i mean him biting little doggie bites on my arm, leg, hand, whatever... and me bleeding.

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over the past 29 years, i've learned to observe and listen to things, people, and environments around me; and i can almost literally tell what a person is like just by their demeanor, facial expression, and gestures. there's just so much a person can learn by sitting in a park or a downtown square and people watching. did i mention that i can read lips also?

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sometimes i come across as a pompous ass who doesn't give a shit about anyone else but myself. sometimes i can come across as the most trustworthy person you'll ever meet. but one thing that i no doubt will always be is a good friend. and i dare anyone out there to prove me wrong.

how can that work against me? easily. people have always come to me for years asking for my opinions and advice. don't get me wrong here, im not trying to sound big-headed, but i think that in some ways i have built a trust with my friends that is unsurpassed in every way.

tonight i chatted online for 3 hours with her, and in the end i had to make a huge decision between looking out for my own agenda, and being a true unbiased friend.

i opted for the latter.

like i've said before, all that matters is that she's happy.

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