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I just want to leave it all behind.
12.02.2001 - 3:37 AM

Thank you Kwasi, for letting me use your internet account to get some access...

Changes, changes, changes, and more changes. Not that I was getting sick of Alyssa, mind you... I just have been in a dark mood lately, so this is pretty much a reflection of what's going on inside, ya know?

If you see any quirks or anything, please leave me a note or something to let me know. The "rings" page is all fucked up, and I have no way of being able to fix it. Fuck it anyways, I just can't get the HTML right, and I don't know enough javascript to fix it.


From the "fuck you bitch" files:

Today I went inside the mall to go grab Angelo a Red Bull, Ben and Jessica some cookies, and myself a salad to eat for lunch. So anyways, I'm waiting in line at Mrs. Fields Cookies, trying to decide what types of cookies to get them, when all of a sudden I hear,

"Shhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiit... You better get in line for Weight Watchers instead of waiting there in line for those cookies..."

WTF?????????? So I turn towards the voice and it's Lance's girlfriend, most likely high as a motherfucker (not unusual).

So now I'm saying, "Hey, what's up?" playing it all off, as I'm all of a sudden trying to explain to her that the cookies aren't even for me, feeling guilty as fuck, and totally embarassed because she said it so fucking loud that the line in front of me and the guy behind the counter are all laughing at me.

ha ha ha... you fucking cunt. very fucking hilarious.

So then I start hearing the "just kidding" remarks from her, blahblahblahblahblah. All I could tell myself was, "Just play it off, Jay... just play it off."

Fuck that hurt like a bitch. And the cookies weren't even for me; I had a fucking salad, dammit! Can I get some nice words thrown my way for once???

Damn. I swear to God if she wasn't female ('cause I am not hitting a female) and if she wasn't Lance's girlfriend......................

who knows what would've happened.

I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't help the way I look right now. I'm working on it, dammit. I must have really done something bad to get all the shit I've been getting in the past two weeks alone.
Can it get any worse?


The thought of seeing her and/or talking to her gets me through; and she's leaving soon.

I guess it can get worse.

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