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12.08.2001 - 4:18 AM

just got home....

.... and once again, I shouldn't have been driving.

I'm not as fucked up as I was earlier, which is a good thing, and I thought I was ok, but once I hit that freeway, man.... **whew** ... thank God I didn't do something bad.

I was FUCKED UP tonight. I mean fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up. I haven't had that much alcohol in me since my first years in college.

She looked so beautiful tonight. She wore the little black top I got her from my trip to monterey. I admit, I brought all this drinking on myself. Everytime I saw her, I didn't want to think of her leaving, so I just grabbed another beer... and another one, and another one, etc...

Damn-- you'd think that she was leaving forever or something.

But still... you know that I'm the one that's gonna miss you the most.

I passed out for a while I guess, and I had a dream that I went right up to her while she was talking to someone and totally interrupted their conversation and totally spilled my guts out to her face to face.

Oh shit.

I HOPE that was a dream.

It was a dream, right?

I'm sure if I really did that, someone would've said something to me... I know Natalie or Kwasi would.

Anyways, I woke myself up somehow, and luckily I was by myself, because I woke up crying for some reason, and my buzz totally went away like **SNAP** that. I was cool for awhile, and then everything started spinning again, so I sat down to chill for a little bit more, and then I must've passed out again, 'cause all I remember after that is talking to Natalie in her car. I wonder how much time went by there....

Well, it is now 5AM (WTF?? it took me 40 minutes to type this??), and I have a TREMENDOUS throbbing headache, so I'm gonna go down a couple of asprin and take a nap. I think I have to work at 8... or is it 9???

Uh, yeah right... like I'm gonna make it.


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