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i can't sleep.
12.13.2002 - 4:06 AM

uh oh.

you know that sore feeling you get in your throat a couple of days before you develop a HUGE raging cold/sickness?

i have it.



it's 4AM.

i'm still having trouble sleeping. i keep thinking about Francisca being mad at me.


i'm thinking that a lot more of my friends read this than i realize.

and with what's happened with Francisca blowing up on me about what i've written, i'm feeling a lot more sketch about what i write.

which i shouldn't have to do.

she wrote in an e-mail to me,
"its your diary so no shit you can write what the hell you damn well please but what you wrote a FRIEND would not have wrote, how the hell can you talk to me at work and go out to lunch and stuff and talk hella shit like that?"

am i coming across as two-faced? i mean, it's not like i don't talk shit where ever i go... i'll talk shit to your face just to get a rise out of ya. it's just the way i am.

Kwasi wanted to tell me something the other day, but the first things out of his mouth were,
"don't write about this in your diary..."

he said that, then the same night Francisca got pissed; i'm starting to think that this whole "journal" (diary, whatever) thing is becoming a hinderance instead of a theraputic thing.

and i don't want to start another journal. and the whole thing about locking this with a password and shit makes me wonder why i should even have a journal (diary, whatever) that is online in the first place.

you know what though? if i didn't care so much about these people, then i wouldn't even write about them.

i wouldn't even think about them.

i wouldn't even worry about them.

but i do.

i don't want to come across as two-faced. i don't want to come across as someone who'll be nice to your face and then talk shit about you behind your back.

i hope all my "friends" know that.
and besides,

we all know that i have no problem talking shit right in front of you.

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